I never realized how much or precisely how many mistakes I’ll make in this relationship until I heard myself apologize quite too many times. Should I take pride in saying I’ve never apologized for any serious crimes or was it that I was just rude all my life. I know you haven’t done the same either yet we both end up saying sorry repeatedly.
I’ve read too many times that a fight is what makes a relationship stronger, but I highly doubt that it does. With every argument that I make, I can feel a crack in our relationship that won’t heal ever. I am lucky to have found you. I am lucky you forgive me so many times.
But either of us can never forget what I’ve said in every fight, my words cutting deep into your soul. After a fair amount of bleeding is when you finally say stop and you do it so softly it hurts even worse than horrible words.
‘What do you want from me?’ I have no answer for that. I am broken in ways I can’t explain myself. All I know is that as lucky as I was to find you, you were as unlucky to have found me.
You might forgive me for a 100 more years of horrible mistakes, but I am not willing to hurt you anymore. I am so pathetic as to make this sound a favor to you when in reality this is another failure of mine.
So I don’t know if this is right or wrong or if you will finally get the courage to see how toxic I am to you, but I am saying all my apologies right now and disconnecting myself from everything that leads to hurting you. I can’t hurt you anymore, I can’t be this unstable anymore.
I do love you and I am really sorry you had to go through all this, I wish you finally deserve the kind of serene love you’ve always given me.