Putting down words, forming lives and building stories out of thin air seems an easier task than spell one’s emotions out.
A bleeding cut can be shown, can be bandaged and can be told how far the healing has been. What about the cuts that are invisible, the pain that you feel yet can’t show, you never can tell if they are bandaged correctly or how much more time for healing. What’s worse is a fully healed scar will just leave a mark as a reminder, but healing of the invisible scar never truly happens, you are never left with just a reminder but with an open cut that would bleed every time you looked.
Acknowledging that such scar exists deep within you takes humongous effort in itself and now that you see it, you have to deal with keeping the bandage intact all the time. You can’t let the bandage slide, if it slides it’ll bleed and if it bleeds people will know.
For a while you’ll even think ‘but isn’t it good that people know, once they see they will understand that it isn’t imaginary or self implicated’ Oh how naive you are! You let it bleed for once, hoping they will understand and stand in all glory of your pain, finally free of the burden to hide it all the while. Then you see them, truly see them, the empathetic looks turning into frustration, the helping hands trying to free themselves and the Gods laughing over your ignorance.
Yet you don’t want them gone, you don’t want their faces turned away, you need them to look at you with smiles, even if they aren’t true, so you pull up the bandage this time placing it right, tying it tighter and you pull out a smile too. They smile with you, open up their arms, embracing you like never before and you feel happy. Wish you stayed happy.
Wishing wont make it happen, making it happen isn’t keeping the bandage intact. You are tired of pulling and tugging at it all the time, making it invisible for them and then you just stop. Standing amidst all the faces you wanted smiling at you, which they are with bright shiny eyes, you rip off the bandage. Slowly as you are colored by the bleeding scar, smiles around you turn the other side, when you start drowning in the bleed they tip toe away from you careful not to be stained and slowly everyone scatters away.
Your body turns numb as you are drowning deeper into the bleeding cuts, you can’t feel your body and can’t think of anything. Drowning there holding on to the ripped bandage you become invisible to the smiles. But don’t be sad, it is now that you will be remembered, your presence will bring memories, tears, prayers which of it is true you’ll never know though and where will you be? You’ll be with the Gods, laughing down on the facade.